18 July 2010


"Where thou art - that - is Home."  ~Emily Dickinson

 I'm feeling sorry for myself today.  I'm homesick for a home that isn't mine any more, and a life that will never be again.  Depressing, eh?  

They say you can never go home again, and I think I've learned that's true.  I couldn't be closer to home, living in my parents' basement and all, but some days it just feels all wrong.  When we left Calgary we were sad. We didn`t want to go, to leave our families and our friends, our house and our comforts.  What we didn`t know is that we`d find all that, and more, in Michigan, and today I`m really missing that.  I`m missing play dates, and zoo dates, deal shopping and comfort shopping.  I`m missing a ward where people talked to me and invited us over for dinner.  I`m missing walks in the park and backyard parties.  I`m missing friends that I could call and cry on their shoulder whenever I needed it, and friends that need me too.  

Don`t get me wrong, I love being back.  I love being close to family. I love that Eli can actually name his cousins, that he knows his Aunties and Uncles, that he recognizes the COP ski jumps as `Andy`s House.` I love that my parents have welcomed us with open arms, allowing us to live in their basement, eat their food, and otherwise impose.  I love so much about Calgary, I just have yet to find my niche.  

I left with a 10-week-old baby, and have returned with two kids.  Life is different, and I haven`t found how to enjoy Calgary with two kids.  First goal: I need friends.  Mommy friends.  Mommy friends that I can play with, and my boys can play with their kids. Second goal: find time to do the things I love.  I`ve been so busy since we got back I`ve hardly done anything I love to do.  Horseback riding is WAY hard with two kids to worry about, but I`ve got to find a way to get it in.  I`ve got to renew my efforts to create with Eli, to get out every day, and to give more than I receive.  

I miss Michigan and the life we had there every day.  I know I can never recreate that life, and that I probably I just need to get over it, but for today I am sad, and that`s just the way it is.


  1. You're cute Jenny! If the boys like to play with dolls and do dress up, they can come play with Scarlett. We try to accept sometimes that it's a busy, busy town and people can be busy too, but you'll feel at home again soon. And it's good to feel the blue days too!

  2. I will be your friend. No I'm not a mom yet, but I love your kids and will play with them. I love your creativity and love you parents and Phoebe as well. I promise we will come and play soon, maybe tonight... I'll see what Shane has to say.

  3. Jo, we`d love to play dolls and dress-up, as long as Scarlett doesn`t mind her dolls being turned into implements of destruction, as just about everything in Eli`s path does!

    Mindy, please come visit. We`re going out this afternoon, but should be home around dinner time.

  4. I know I am so thankful for your time in Mi and that it overlapped with mine!
    We found that living near family can sometimes make it more difficult to find time for "our" family. That we tend to fall back on the known and not make the effort to venture out. Or we end up with all these family obligations that we don't have time to build a new life... and we also tended to put expectations on ourselves that we thought our parents wanted.
    I pray that you will find your niche soon! That you will be able to spread your wings beyond what you now have in Calgary. You have such a energetic, contagious personality! I know you will be a blessing wherever you are and I'm so jealous for the new friends who will now get your time ;) For everything there is a season and a purpose under Heaven!

  5. I miss you Jenny!! :( Isn't it amazing how us moms really do need mommy friends so badly? When we moved to Vegas, I had never felt so alone in my life, yet I had my baby and my husband with me. We have a ward of 700 people now and I remember getting down on my knees overwhelmed and begging for the kind of friends we had in Michigan like you, Sarah and Jewel. I couldn't believe it but that day a girl I had met in Church invited me to come over! I will be praying you find some good "mommy friends" to hang out with! :) We all need that kindred spirit kind of bond and friendship with other women! :)

  6. come play with me. i will be your friend.


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