"Where thou art - that - is Home." ~Emily Dickinson
I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I'm homesick for a home that isn't mine any more, and a life that will never be again. Depressing, eh?
They say you can never go home again, and I think I've learned that's true. I couldn't be closer to home, living in my parents' basement and all, but some days it just feels all wrong. When we left Calgary we were sad. We didn`t want to go, to leave our families and our friends, our house and our comforts. What we didn`t know is that we`d find all that, and more, in Michigan, and today I`m really missing that. I`m missing play dates, and zoo dates, deal shopping and comfort shopping. I`m missing a ward where people talked to me and invited us over for dinner. I`m missing walks in the park and backyard parties. I`m missing friends that I could call and cry on their shoulder whenever I needed it, and friends that need me too.
Don`t get me wrong, I love being back. I love being close to family. I love that Eli can actually name his cousins, that he knows his Aunties and Uncles, that he recognizes the COP ski jumps as `Andy`s House.` I love that my parents have welcomed us with open arms, allowing us to live in their basement, eat their food, and otherwise impose. I love so much about Calgary, I just have yet to find my niche.
I left with a 10-week-old baby, and have returned with two kids. Life is different, and I haven`t found how to enjoy Calgary with two kids. First goal: I need friends. Mommy friends. Mommy friends that I can play with, and my boys can play with their kids. Second goal: find time to do the things I love. I`ve been so busy since we got back I`ve hardly done anything I love to do. Horseback riding is WAY hard with two kids to worry about, but I`ve got to find a way to get it in. I`ve got to renew my efforts to create with Eli, to get out every day, and to give more than I receive.
I miss Michigan and the life we had there every day. I know I can never recreate that life, and that I probably I just need to get over it, but for today I am sad, and that`s just the way it is.