21 February 2012

To Whom it May Concern:

Actually, To the male shop owner of the yarn store, the checkout girl at the grocery store, the random woman walking her dog, and various others who need this:

I am 32 weeks pregnant.  I still have 8 weeks to go before I even begin expecting this little one growing inside of me to make his or her way out, and I'm willing to take that to 10 weeks.  I am measuring right on track. No one is concerned about my size, my weight gain, or my ability to hold my baby in my womb while shopping for milk and eggs. I do not, while I am buying my yarn, my groceries, or anything else, need to hear any of the following comments:

1. You must really be counting down the days?!?  8 weeks?!  Well....
2. April?  When you walked in here I thought, "Wow, she's going to give birth in the store!"
3. Twins?
4. You aren't due until April?  Holy crap!  Well, I guess it's almost the end of February, so only 5 weeks away.  I would have thought you were about to pop. 
5. How uncomfortable you must be...?

First of all, let's discuss the term, "about to pop."   Has anyone ever witnessed the "popping" of a pregnant woman?  I've seen a lot of births. I've been through two of my own.  I can assure you there is nothing "popping" about bringing a baby into this world.  Secondly, no pregnant woman, no matter how confident or assured she is, wants to be told how huge she is.  Every time I bite my tongue so I don't retort with, "Well, I'm growing a healthy baby inside me, what's your excuse?!"  At times I am dying to explain to random people, who obviously know nothing about pregnancy and birth, the nitty gritty of what's going on inside my body, and just why saying such things is so rude. 

On the other hand, I've got a letter for another group of people as well:

To the sweet girl in my homeschool speech arts class, the woman shopping at the antique store, my friend (who happens to be a midwife) in Idaho who didn't even know I was pregnant and so many others:

Thank you for the following comments which make me feel beautiful, empowered, respected and excited about my upcoming birthing:

1. Do you mind if I touch your belly, I just love to see pregnant women!
2. You look amazing, how much longer do you have?
3. Is baby kicking?  Isn't that the most amazing feeling?  Not much longer until he'll be kicking on the outside.
4. You are almost there and are going to do amazing.  I can't wait to hear the story.

And, To all those who don't know what to say:

Remember Thumper's dad who said, "If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all."  You don't actually have to say anything. Feel free to treat all pregnant women like normal people.  On the other hand, every pregnant woman loves to hear how great they look.  Most don't even mind answering questions.  But, check your response to the answers and try just answering with a "Well, you look fantastic!"  It will make her day, I promise. 


  1. haha jen, i love this. And agree with you 100%! I think you look great, and i hope that if you are going to "pop", please do it in front of one of those annoying people!!!

  2. And to add- Exact quote from interaction at church on Sunday-

    "Wow! How many weeks do you have to go now? You have really "popped"!"

    *trying not to glare* "I have 4 months to go."

    "Oh wow!"

    Thank you thank you. I love feeling like a spectacle! ...thought she didn't say anything offensive I know it is just the start of the comments people will have for the next 16-19 weeks! I can't wait for the "twins?" to start. I am well aware of how gigantic I get.

    And that word again..."popped" ...I guess you pop out when you really start showing? And when my water broke there was a definite "pop" feeling... maybe that is where this overused expression came from?

    When I see someone who looks like they are carrying multiples, are post 40 weeks or maybe are simply in their late second trimester and carrying differently then some "ideal" basketball belly types (of which group I will never belong...sigh...) I think I will stick with "you look great! how are you feeling?" and trust they will fill you in on any details they feel comfortable with. (This also protects you from the unfortunate incidence that they are not in fact pregnant...which I admit to doing two or three humiliating times...)

  3. When I was 32 weeks with one of my sons some stupid man at church actually said "Hi tubby" as I walked in. Oh, I was so mad I couldn't even come up with a good comeback. I think I just stared at him with a shocked look on my face.

  4. I HATED all those comments when pregnant with DD, they actually embarassed me. Not looking forward to them with next pregnancy. :o(

  5. I think you are beautiful pregnant and un, or popping and not. I once actually said to a nurse who chastised me for gaining 40 lbs before I was 8 months along that I was still better looking than her even in that state. I hated even more when people would ask me when I was due when the baby was 3 months old!

  6. Oh, I forgot to mention the woman at the yarn store who asked me when I was due while I was holding Silas at 3 days old. Whose baby did she think he was?


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