16 October 2014


Ever feel like you've been hit by a bus, and the bus just kept on driving, and no one even noticed you lying there bleeding on the sidewalk?  Perhaps I'm being a little overly dramatic, but seriously, I'm kind of feeling that way right now.

Let's review the scene:

1. For the past two years we have been slowly crawling, on our hands and knees, over sharp shards of government red tape (yes, it's sharp and shard-like), through the process of public adoption.  And, every time I think there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, a torrential storm passes through and the light goes out. We are now waiting for the Aboriginal tribes in Alberta to give us the okay to officially adopt our sweet girl - something they are given the right to do for every public adoption in Alberta. It is not until then that the paperwork will go to a judge to be rubber stamped and we will be given the all clear.

2. I had a baby. Baby # 5. He's sweet. He's cuddly. I love him. But, I had a baby. Baby # 5.  I am exhausted, and overwhelmed, and babies take a lot of work. Who knew?  I hate to admit it, but I don't feel I've had any time to really enjoy this sweet boy whom we've been blessed with. Where are the hours I would like to spend squishing his cheeks and reveling in his newborn freshness?

3. I am homeschooling two children this year, one of whom happens to have special needs. Plus, I've decided to align with the Alberta curriculum this year, so that adds a whole level of stress to our homeschool days - and yes, may also be something I decide to scrap before too long.

4. Last week Jared blessed our baby Machen in our church. Normally, a glorious event, it was in fact one of the most stressful days of my recent life.  Pictures?  I didn't take any. Not one. Instead I had to get my house guests (whom I love) and my own 5 children (whom I also love) dressed and ready for 9 am church (I didn't dress the house guests). I also had to have ready the Thanksgiving dinner for the 55 people who attended, before we left for church.  And, guess what? The Turkey was still bleeding when we came home from church.  Bleeding.  But, against all odds, my house was spotless (sort of), and everyone enjoyed themselves. I was kind of in a state of shock the whole day, and am not sure if I've fully recovered 4 days later.

5. Two weeks ago, amid all of the other goings on, I was called to be the Primary president of our ward.  I know the Lord has a grander plan in mind than I can see, and I trust in him implicitly, but seriously?!? Honestly, I feel underqualified, and unfit for the task. But, I also have faith: faith that the Lord will carry me through this, show me what it is he wants me to do, and bless me and my family for doing just that.  Still...

And those are just the actual events. It doesn't take into account the piles of laundry, the constantly rotating boxes of clothes that are cluttering my home continually, the piano and cello practices, the basketball and art lessons, the potty training, breastfeeing, dinner making and so on.  Here I am.  Me.  I'd like to be doing so much more than I am, but feel like despite all there is to do, I'm not really doing all that much in the first place.

Okay, how do I end a blog post like this. This was not a call for sympathy or a cry for help, just an attempt to air it all out, a therapy session in 10 minutes on my blog.  That is all.


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