14 June 2012

Last Day of Four

Eli turns five tomorrow.  FIVE!  I can't believe it.  He asked me to knit him a sweater for his birthday, and I went through some patterns with him - showing him the coolest of patterns.  Then, as I was knitting away on a super cool old man sweater and browsing Ravelry last night I saw this one:

 And I thought, "That's way too childish for me to knit for Eli.  I want him to look like a little man, not a dino."  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Eli's going to be a little man soon.  It won't be long before he won't want to wear a dino sweater.  These moments just seem to be so fleeting.

Yesterday someone asked how old he is, and I quickly answered "four."   I'm just not ready for five.  He's not a preschooler any more.  He's getting so big!!!  Just one year ago we were in Victoria going on a treasure hunt for a pirate treasure when he turned four.  Eeeek.  Can you tell I'm slightly freaking out here?

Well, I suppose it's inevitable (unless someone has gotten a hold of a Time Turner...) so I may as well accept it, I may as well celebrate the occasion with accolades of love for my little Mr. E. 

Dear Eli,

Today is your fifth birthday, and I can't believe it.  It just doesn't seem like it's been five years since you were placed on my chest in the hospital operating room, and I suddenly knew what it meant to be a mother, what it meant to love.  Right from that first moment my love for you was fierce.  You were so beautiful, and so perfect, and I couldn't believe how much I could love.  It almost hurt.

I still feel that way.  We have our moments, moments when I'm not patient enough, not kind enough, not engaged enough, and I'm sorry for that.  But we also have moments of total awesomeness!  I love when you come into my room first thing in the morning to cuddle, even if you wake up your brothers in the process and start our day much earlier than I would like.  I would rather cuddle with you for a few minutes than sleep in any day. I love when you take it upon yourself to take care of your little brothers.  You are truly the best big brother, and will continue to be such a good example to Silas and Atticus.  They are lucky to have you. I love that you never forget to say prayers.  Ever.  I don't believe a prayer has been missed in our home for the last two years.  And your prayers are always so thoughtful and faithful.  I love that.  I love how interested in learning you are.  You are the smartest 4 year old I know.  You constantly ask me questions that I don't know the answer to, like why mosquito bites itch, and if your muscles could move without bones, and what eyeballs are made out of.  And then together we get to learn the answers.  I love how caring you are. Sometimes I think you care too much; you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. But, that kind of concern will serve you well in your life. Never stop loving others the way you do.  I really love how much you love your cousins, aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas.  You know what family means, and love every member of yours.  Look up to them and be just like them, because they are good.

I love you Eli.  While I wish that you could stay little forever, my little smootch, I am proud of the boy you are becoming and hope that you grow up to be an equally wonderful man.  There is really nothing more a mother could ask of her son. You are the greatest!

Love always and forever,

PS If you want me to knit you a dino sweater once I'm done the one I'm working on, I totally will.  I'll do it when you are 18 too, if you want.  I love you!


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