A Cleanse of Sorts

I am going on a cleanse.  Not a physical cleanse, but something even more important: a Facebook cleanse.  That's right, I am shutting it down for the next few weeks.  I've got so much going on right now and I feel like Facebook is just one thing that I DON'T need, that at best mildly entertains, but at worst works me up into a frenzy at times.  There is too much drama and too many hours that I will never get back.  So, if you look for me there, you won't find me.  Feel free to pick up the phone and call me: email me if that doesn't work for you. I will still be around, just not on Facebook.

What will I do with the time I save?

I plan on reading the ever growing stack of books sitting in my room gathering dust.  I have my first birth as a doula at the end of the month, and I want to make sure that I am prepared.  I also have two new LLL books I haven't really read yet that I want to get through.  Then there are the three new parenting books I just bought that I haven't touched yet.  Yes, I will read, I will read a lot.

Then there is all the crocheting and knitting I want to do that I can't do while I'm navigating the interwebs. I've got loads of patterns I want to work on and lots of yarn to do it with. Stay tuned for a few new patterns I've been working on!

There are the quilts I made last year that I haven't quilted yet.  I don't want to miss another picnic season without my picnic quilt now, do I?

I am working on a new website for my doula business and want to launch that sooner than later. It will be a great place, and a much better forum, for me to post links to articles and studies that I find interesting and informative. Look for it soon! 


And, most importantly, I want to spend more meaningful time with my boys.  They are getting so good at playing together that I have used my new-found independence as an excuse to sit in front of my computer, but I'd rather spend that time watching them interact, making memories of this time before it passes, as it quickly will.  I want to go to the zoo, go to the park, play on the floor.  I love them and I don't want to waste my time with them updating my status.

I'll go back, I'm sure, but hopefully a little time away will cleanse my apparent, and embarrassing, dependence on the beast.  Wish me luck!

I Want to Give Birth

No, I'm not pregnant, but I'd like to be soon, and so I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've come to at least one conclusion: I'm excited to give birth.  That's right: excited!

Eli and Silas's births did not go as I planned.  For a long time that made me really sad.  When I get into conversations where war stories I mean, birth stories, are shared, I all too often typically get one of two responses: the "well, you have two healthy babies, that's really what matters, right?" and the "well, if you had only done this or that you could have had the perfect birth."  I even once got a "Well, I guess God was just teaching you a lesson for trying to plan what was out of your control."  Huh? Not helpful.  For some reason it is fine to share your horrific, graphic and terrible birth stories, but being disappointed by them is taboo. Well, guess what?  I believe it is okay to be upset by your birth experience!  That's right, it's fine to feel disappointment, pain, guilt and sadness over what happened during a birth.  It's even okay to place blame on others, if that's where you feel it belongs.  Of course a healthy baby is what really matters, but there is nothing wrong with expecting your body to do what it was meant to do, even if we understand that sometimes things are out of our control. There is nothing wrong with being affected by what happened or how you were treated in birth.  

Somewhere in the past few months I have managed to move past the feelings that I have been harboring about my birth experiences.  I have been able to forgive myself for not doing what I meant to do, and accept the beauty of the births I had.  I have realized that no matter how a baby comes, the entrance into this world is truly beautiful.  With Eli I was able to take advantage of the miracle of modern medicine - without it we wouldn't be here today!  With Silas I was able to accomplish what many women do not - giving birth vaginally after having a cesarean birth. Although it didn't go as I dreamed it would, I did it, and that is a real accomplishment!  And with those accomplishments and experiences under my belt I am feeling prepared to do it all over again.  And I have a game plan!

I am going to deliver my next baby in my home, in water, with my husband and both boys by my side. 

I will be very clear with my midwives about what I want and what I need.  I want a natural homebirth in water. I need them to trust that I can do it, even if I say I can't. I need them to tell me I am strong when I feel weak.  I need them to grab me and tell me that labour may be hard, and may be painful, but that I can do it!

I will take a natural childbirth class... or two... or maybe even three.  Despite my ridiculous amount of research on the matter, I think the more prepared I am, the better. Besides, let's be honest, any excuse to sit around and talk about birth is an excuse enough for me!

I will hire a doula, as well as my midwives.  I will tell her the same thing I tell the midwives, just in case they have a moment of weakness.  I know I am strong, and that I can do it, but I think I will need to be reminded of it, and so the more people prepared to do that, the better!

I will have a birth plan that states not how I want my birth to go, but how I expect to be treated.  Sure, I'd love to dictate that I only labour for 6 hours and push for 20 minutes, but really, what is more important is that I am allowed to labour at home, in peace, with my family around me; that I am not encouraged to push until I feel the urge, and that I am instead encouraged to move and find a position that works best for me and my baby, that I will support my own baby as he or she emerges into this world.  Oh, I am excited to write my birth plan, yes I am!

It has been suggested by family members, doctors and friends alike that perhaps I should just give up and accept that I cannot give birth the way I want; that I am crazy not to be scared of doing it all over again; that I would do well to lower my expectations of birth, so I won't be disappointed again.  I will not expect less just because there is a chance of disappointment.  I am excited, I am looking forward to it!  I am strong: I am amazing, actually, and I know I can do it!

We've done it again

Remember the house we were renovating?  Well, without any major mental breakdowns we have finished the project.  It's almost nice enough to make me want to move back in!  In just three weeks we (and when I say "we" I really mean Jared, really):

1. Tore out all the old crappy flooring, the bathroom mirrors, light fixtures and faucets, the kitchen faucets and more.
2. Completely painted the entire house from floorboards to ceilings. 
3. Installed beautiful laminate flooring throughout the entire home (with the generous help of my brother Matt!)
4. Put in new mirrors, lights, faucets, etc.
5. Installed new hardware in the bathroom and kitchen.
6. Painted all the kitchen cupboards.
7. Gave the front of the house a facelift with new numbers, a new mailbox and light.  In the summer we will paint the window frames and stucco and hopefully do something about the maroon soffiting and door. 

It really is gorgeous.  Sadly we didn't get it finished with enough time to get it rented for this month, so hopefully we'll be able to do so for April.  If you know of anyone looking, send them my way!

First Words - Uh oh!

That's right folks, I do believe I'm prepared to say that Silas has uttered his first words.  If I could figure out how, I would upload a video, because I caught it on camera.  But alas, 'firewire' means nothing to me, and so the footage shall remain on my video camera.

Silas will be 18 months in two weeks, and while his various intonations of  'uhhh' manage to communicate much more than you would suspect, he has flatly refused to say any real words.  Until today...  today I dropped something and said, uh oh" and Silas clearly repeated, "Uh oh!"  There it was, as clear as if he'd been saying it for weeks, "Uh oh!"  He also chases me around shouting "mamamamama" and squeals in excitement when he sees Jared with "daaaaadaaaaa" but he refuses to do it on cue, like the trained little entertainer I want him to be, so I'm not counting those.

Despite his lack of vocabulary, let me promise you that Silas is quite honestly the most darling baby I know.  He is sweet as can be, always coming up just to hug me tight around the neck.  Although I don't get them, he makes jokes all the time, laughing at himself right out loud.  He is a total daredevil, leaping off couches, jumping into swim pools, swinging from the chandelier (honestly!)  I love him to bits and pieces, and am totally looking forward to seeing what he has to say.

Here's a picture of the little Duketer after he carried my camera over to me, placed it on my lap with a well meaning "uhhh" and marched over to the obvious picture taking spot. He stood quite still while I snapped the shot, and then insisted I take several more before I was allowed to put the camera away.  I love this kid so much!

"Did you ever have your likeness taken?"

I feel like reading Jane Austen today.  I'm too busy to read the funnies in the paper, let alone Jane Austen.  Sad for me.  I often wish that I were more refined, that I could spend my day taking walks in the garden. Sitting, with perfect posture, doing needlepoint. Organizing dinner parties.  Why does she portray such a life as so glamorous and wonderful?  I want it!

Eli is developing his skills in order to become a proper gentleman.  He has taken to, lately, drawing true likenesses of people.  Is it wrong to want to keep each and every thing he draws?  He is amazing, honestly.

And, just as Mr. Elton said of Emma's likeness of Harriet: "I never saw such a likeness!"  It's true, this is Facebook profile picture worthy!  Not that his art needs explanation, but just in case you are not as artistically inclined as my sweet boy, this is a picture of me riding my horse, Natasha.
He asked, "Mommy, how many arms do horses have."
"They have four legs."
"Is that four?"
"No, that's six."
"I don't matter about that, Mommy."
Please note my favourite features: the horse's carrot-like nose, my bowed legs, my giant hands with a dozen fingers on each one, and the fact that the horse and I are both wearing cowboy hats. 

I'm thinking of opening up a booth at the mall where people can pay us for Eli to quickly draw a picture of them.  His abilities are so sharp that he didn't even need a picture of the horse, he just knew what she looked like.  So, in your next family picture someone is missing, send it Eli's way and he will just draw in your brother on a mission, or your sister who had to work late, or even the dead family dog... especially the dead family dog!

Raw Muesli

I spent the entire weekend talking RAW.  Okay, I've spent most of the last 8 weeks talking raw, but this weekend I did it especially.  Janice Skoreyko of RAW Foundation, the woman who got me hooked back in December when I went to her Intro to Raw class, was back in town.  She taught a Raw Dessert class (absolutely incredible - yes, you do want to come over to my house!) another Intro to Raw, and then a five hour Intro to Raw Immersion class.  Honestly, I keep saying that I am NOT a true raw foodist, that I don't plan on doing this forever, but every time I listen to this woman speak I am convinced that this is the best way to live.  And truly, the proof is in the pudding: after 8 weeks of living raw we are feeling incredible, shedding weight healthily and easily, and we are not deprived in the least.  We eat as much as we want of whatever we want.  Chocolate cake for breakfast???  No problem!  Seven apples throughout the day? Go for it. Fruit pizza for dinner?  Absolutely!  We are having fun, feeling empowered, and don't go anywhere where someone doesn't ask what we are doing, because we are looking so great!  Janice has given me even more tools to make this journey fun and exciting.

Apparently my expertise in raw food has been focused on breakfast-type foods: granola, blueberry crackers, and today you get MUESLI!!!

Again, completely delicious.  This one doesn't need a dehydrator, and gives you all the benefits of raw, living food.  Eli and Silas eat it up every morning.  Never again will I buy boxed cereal, for this fills the craving.

It's this easy:

Raw Muesli

4 cups Hulled Oats, soaked overnight (you could even sprout them for even more nutrition) and rolled
1 cup raisins
1 cup currents
1 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup mullberries
1/2 cup goldenberries

1. Place 4 cups of hulled oats in filtered water overnight.  Rinse.  Run through a hand grain mill (available for under $50, and provides fresh oatmeal any time! We have a Norpro Grain Grinder.)
2. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix well.
3. Top with almond milk (or other nut milk) and maple syrup to taste and ENJOY!

This muesli freezes very well, not clumping together or anything, so you can just open the bag you have it frozen in and scoop out enough for your breakfast each morning. And don't be constrained by what I put in it, just put in whatever dried fruit or other goodies you have.  Just raisins would be fine.  If you like apricots, throw those in.  Really, as Janice would say, be your own raw food alchemist!

Silas digging in, with his green smoothie sitting next to him.

Eli is really a lot more excited about his muesli than he is showing here, I promise.

Chunky Monkey Bonnet

One thing I love about crafting: the connection it gives me with Grandmas all over the world. I have yet to meet one I cannot impress with my admiration of their handicrafts.  I once had a wonderful old woman tell me that she never looked at patterns when she knit and crocheted because she could just sit down and figure it out herself.  At that point I didn't understand. I couldn't comprehend what years of knits and purls could add up to.  There was no way I would ever be able to just sit down and come up with anything other than a badly formed washcloth!

Yet, just a few years after really embracing my inner grandma, I am beginning to see her point.  I specialize in hats, often made for small humans, and I've made most of the patterns I've seen and like.  So, my inner artist (and sometimes even my deeply hidden inner mathematician) and I've begun to really enjoy the fine art of pattern making.  If I only had more money, I would probably spend a lot more time doing it.  Unfortunately, after I've knit or crocheted an entire project, even if it isn't quite right, I have a hard time justifying pulling it out and starting all over again, or buying a new skein just to get it right.

One pattern I haven't been able to find is a cute crocheted bonnet.  There are so many cute knit ones, but I wanted one I could whip up super quickly with chunky yarn that was still darling.  I also wanted to try a new stitch, so I added the "Roll Stitch" which I found in an ancient crochet book.  While not perfect, I think the result is pretty darn cute:

Chunky Monkey Easter Bonnet

SIZE

Toddler

MATERIALS

Fleece Artist Big Merino (100% Merino; 136 yards per 125g ball)

Crochet Hook US J/6 mm

Tapestry needle

GAUGE

11 sts = 4"; 7 rows = 4" in dc  

Use any size hook to obtain the gauge.

You can use any yarn and hook you choose, just adjust the number of stitches to make the appropriate size bonnet

PATTERN NOTES
dc = double crochet

sc = single crochet

roll = roll stitch: yarn over 10 times, place hook into stitch and draw a loop through.  Yarn over and pull loop through all loops on hook.  Chain 1 to secure.

DIRECTIONS

Chain 45 leaving a long end for seaming.

Row 1: Double crochet in 3^rd chain from hook and in each chain across - 43 dc

Row 2: Chain 2 (counts as dc here and throughout), turn; dc in each stitch across

Row 3-11: Repeat Row 2

Next row: Chain 3; roll stitch in every other stitch across (see pattern notes)

Last row: Chain 1; sc in 1^st stitch and in each st across. DO NOT fasten off

Fold bonnet in half, and using the end from the initial chain, seam up the base chain. Fasten off.

To make ties: Picking up working yarn, chain 30 (away from the bonnet).  Sc in 2^nd chain from hook and in each chain across (back towards bonnet).  Sc evenly across the bottom of the bonnet. Chain 30 once you get to the opposite side of bonnet.  Sc in 2^nd chain from hook and in each chain across.  Fasten off once you reach the bonnet again and weave in all ends.