Out of the mouth of babes

I am continually amazed at the things my boys can teach me. 

For those of you who don't know my Eli, he is a very expressive child. I shouldn't be surprised, but he LOVES to talk, and is very interested in what words mean, and how to say things well. 

Often he surprises me by asking what a word means hours after I have said it. I love it!

Sometimes though, like all three-year-olds I'm sure, he gets frustrated when he doesn't get his own way, or can't express what he feels. I've been exploring ways to handle his frustrations. 

A few weeks ago I did something I've never done before.  I took my screaming boy and put him in our room and shut the door to his yelling and crying.  Luckily Jared was right behind me to go in and comfort him.  Not one of my proudest mommy moments, I have to admit.  

A few days later a similar situation arose, and I carried him downstairs to our room.  This time Jared wasn't around, and I had a little more self control, so sat down on the edge of the bed while he screamed: and this is when my baby taught me a lesson.  I asked him to relax, and in his fit he cried, "WILL YOU HELP ME?!!?"  

It was one of those moments when clarity hits you like a brick.  My poor Eli doesn't want to feel that way.  He doesn't like feeling that way.  But, in his limited experience here on earth, he hasn't yet figured out how to control those emotions and feelings.  All he wanted was his mommy's help!  And all it took was a few short minutes of hugging him and singing to him for a smile to cross his face yet again and for my little angel to return.  After all, that's why God made parents, right?

I hate to think how that would have turned out if I had shut the door again and let him deal with it on his own. 

A few days later he sunk the lesson in a little deeper when he did something rotten that I can't even remember right now.  I scolded him and he cried, "But I want to live with Heavenly Father."  Unsure of what he meant, I prodded. He said, "I want to be obedient and live with Heavenly Father." Apparently the lessons about being good so we can return one day to live with God had sunk in, and an opportunity to teach an even greater lesson arose: one about unconditional love. 

Again it made me think what I might have missed if I had just thrown him in a "time out" all on his own.

As I learn to help Eli manage his own beviour, and I grateful for the little moments where he teaches me far more that I am teaching him.  He has such a sweet spirit, and I can't help but think that God has placed him with me so I can get a glimpse of that unconditional love that he has for each of us.



When I need a little inspiration in my mothering, I look to men of God. This one struck me today:

"I fear you sisters do not realize in the smallest part the extent of your influence for good in your families, in the Church, and in society. Your influence for good is incalculable and indescribable. President Brigham Young said: “The sisters in our Female Relief Societies have done great good. Can you tell the amount of good that the mothers and daughters in Israel are capable of doing? No, it is impossible. And the good they will do will follow them to all eternity.”1 I truly believe you are instruments in the hands of God in your many roles, especially that of motherhood."2

Gifting gone downhill

Honestly, I have not fallen off the earth with this project.  I have given many gifts over the past few weeks that I wouldn't otherwise have thought to do. But man, a gift a day is harder than you might think.  As I've been on this journey I have really wanted to make sure I wasn't counting the every day things that I would do anyway, I wanted this to be something that stretches me.  So, as each day comes and goes I have tried to find moments that inspire me to give.  Unfortunately I have not done a great job of doing this every single day. I should be on day 22 today, and I really don't think I have given 22 gifts.  Sad.  I know.

But I have done some things.  Let's recap, and hopefully jump back on track. 

At Chapters I donated to the Love of Reading Foundation, which I have thought is really cool so many times, but never bothered to contribute to.  It's a fund that promotes literacy by donating good books to school libraries.  It always made me sad to see how few new books school libraries were able to purchase. Back in the day when I had money and bought way too many books, I would often donate them to my school library after I had read them.  I'm not sure if the junior high schools of Calgary would appreciate the birth, breastfeeding and parenting books that I invest in these days, so donating to this foundation seemed like a good thing to do.

I love my big sister Alice, who does so much for me.  As a small (really small) gesture of that love, I bought her a Booster Juice and brought it to her.  I love Booster Juice and think that would pretty much make any day for me, so I'm just assuming that it probably made her day too!

I took one of my best friends in the whole world, Nicole, horse back riding.  In a past life this would have been no big deal, but as I'm realizing, it is getting harder and harder to do things without my kids, and I can't really go galloping through a field with Silas on my back now can I?

I made two aprons to send to two different people for a gift exchange I am part of.  I don't really feel I can count this, because I will get gifts in return, but still, I made them myself, and think if I could count them as two different gifts it would make me feel a little less guilty.

My dear friend Sarah just had her third baby, a sweet little boy. More than anything in the world I wished I could be there with her.  But alas, I couldn't.  So, in an effort to send her some sunshine, I sent her a bouquet of beautiful sunflowers.  I've never sent flowers to anyone.  I hope she loved them.  I love her.

I sent out two hats that I knit to Utah.  I ran a blog giveaway, but still, I made them and gave them... right?  Does that count as two as well?

I'm sure there is more. I hate to think that in the last 22 days that is all I have given to the world.  Do Father's Day presents count?  If I count the hats and aprons that means I have done 13 of the 22 days.  Pathetic, I know. I'm sure I could count way more than 22 ways that others have helped me in the last 22 days. 

I will persevere.  I will not start over, but I will move on from here.  Let's pretend that all the time between then and now did not happen, and tomorrow is Day 6.  And please, if you need anything, let me know, because I'm looking for ways to give!

At the Farmers' Market

I try really hard to support local businesses and businesses that have fair business practices by paying their employees a fair wage, and not using suppliers that engage in child, slave or underpaid labour.  I think it's good for the economy, good for the people I buy from, and I know it's good for my soul.  When I can, I like to buy right from the source.  I would so much rather buy carrots from the farmer that planted the seeds and dug them up than from the produce isle at Safeway. I 'm pretty sure that they taste better that way!  I love buying homemade goods off Etsy.  One of my favourite shops is Ten Thousand Villages, a shop that markets products from artisans in low-income countries that have been fairly purchased and made from sustainable resources.

I'm not, by any means, perfect.  I would love to say I wear all organic, local clothing, but my vanity stands in my way.   I like to avoid it, but I find myself in Walmart every once in a while looking for a good deal.  I know that most of the chocolate in the world is produced by child slavery (that's right, I said slavery), yet, I still enjoy a chocolate bar every once in a while.

Still, what would we be if were weren't always trying to reach perfection.  So, I try.  I don't think being poor is any excuse.  I can certainly live with less and use the money I do have to purchase responsibly.  Living out of a few suitcases for the past six months has taught me I can live with very little of what I own, and I certainly don't need the vast majority of the things I want.  And, if it comes down to it, I would rather live without than have someone else, a slave child in Africa, a factory worker in China, pay the real cost for me. So, I continually try to make more responsible purchasing choices, and am totally inspired by people who do better than me.

Last weekend we went to the Farmers Market at Sandpoint, which is one of my favourite farmers' markets of all.  It not only has fabulous produce, meat, dairy and baked goods, local and usually organic, but it has local artisans selling their handmade treasures. And, they usually have some sort of musical entertainment too.  Eli's favourite part of the farmers' market is definitely splash fountain in the middle of the square!

And my favourite part is to be with him!

Ten places

There are many places that I love in the world, but my top ten places to be are as follows:

1. Sandpoint, Idaho - specifically, on the beach at my parents' cabin

2. Flying Goose Farm - so, so, so many happy memories there

3. Cardston, Alberta - in the temple

4. Rochester, Michigan - my other home

5. Newfoundland - bright houses, awesome accents, amazing views, puffins!

6. Waterton, Alberta - in the town site and a top any of the mountains

7. Ryman Ranch - preferably on horseback

8. Shuswap - okay, I admit it, the place has kind of grown on me

9. Banff National Park - not necessarily the town site, but definitely on top of the mountains

10. And, as cheesy as it might sound, but completely true, ANYWHERE my family is.  I've learned anywhere can feel like home as long as I've got Jared and the boys around: Michigan, Spokane, the room in the basement.  Hopefully we can settle down and my top choice will be in our dream house on a farm, but until then, my very favourite place to be is wherever I am with them!

Lately

Sometimes I feel like the third of my brain that I lost during pregnancy has taken a permanent leave of absence.  Seriously.  When does it come back?  Isn't nine months long enough? I don't know what is up, but I feel completely frazzled with my life, for the first time since Eli was born.  Maybe it is being back in Alberta where I have so much more to do, maybe it is living in my parents' basement, maybe it is Jared being in Washington and me single mom-ing it. Whatever it is, I want my brain back.  Who cares about my body, I miss my brain!!!

So, while I feel that I accomplish very little on a daily basis, here's a smackerel of some of the things I've been working on.

I made aprons for the gift exchange I am part of. I actually made 5 aprons: three big ones and two little ones out of the scraps.  They are all so cute.  Can you guess which one I am keeping for me?  I realize that they are pretty basic, but I could barely afford the fabric, let alone a pattern book, so I pretty much just cut out a square of fabric, sewed on a tie, embellished with a little ric rac and called it a day.  They were fun to make, and I now I am sickeningly fashionable in my cowboy apron while I cook macaroni and cheese. I love it!

I looked out the window and what did I see...

...two very persistent Robins re-building a nest in one of the worst places EVER: the Evans` back door.

I mean seriously, what would compel them to rebuild where they were, just two weeks before, evicted from?  The Evans' back door is one of the most used back doors in the neighborhood: not the place for any birds' Best Nest. I'm not sure if I should be impressed by their persistence, or saddened by the fact that this nest is going to be abandoned just as surely as the first one was.  Maybe I need to go out with a broom and disuade them before they waste their day... again.

Three years ago...

Three years ago today, this is the face I stared into when I fell madly, deeply, wildly in love:

 Then, two years ago, that face had transformed into this:

Just last year, this is the beautiful face I got to look into:

 Today is the day that my baby turns 3.  Three.  THREE-YEARS-OLD!!! I know it`s the age old cry, the denial that my kids are growing up, but I can`t believe it: MY BABY IS GROWING UP!!!

And today, this if the face I get to love:

 I love my Mr. E.  I love him so much, most days it hurts.  Happy birthday, Eli!